As the incidence of divorce has increased, so too has the concern about custody and visitation for the children. In general, our legal system has gotten beyond the point of automatically assuming that the mother should always have custody. However, custody and visitation decisions are too often made by a checklist of variables rather than a consideration of each case on its own specifics.

Every custody case offers its own unique set of circumstances. Seldom is it a question of who is the bad and who is the good parent or what is the good or bad environment. Rather, the question to be answered, is who is the better parent under a given set of circumstances.

There are a wide variety of sources available to answer this question. The most important source is through clinical observation and interview. A clinical psychologist can observe each child’s state of mental health, comfort with each parent, and the parents’ comfort with the child.

Other than home, the child spends the majority of his/her waking hours at school. Teachers are excellent sources of determining how well the child is adapting in their school environment and how flexible the child can be if they have to change learning environments. Teachers can also inform us about how actively each parent participates in the educational process of their child.

Finally, adults who interact with children at their leisure activities, such as sports, music lessons and dancing lessons can also provide valuable insights about parent-child interaction. Coaches and instructors can help to ascertain which parent is actively interested in the child’s pursuits.

Visitation is a much easier issue to resolve than custody. Barring extreme circumstances such as alleged child abuse or physically dangerous environmental circumstances, it is best for the child to have both parents in their life. Within reason, the parent who has custody should do everything in their power to reduce obstacles to the child sharing time with the other parent. Bad mouthing the other parent is never acceptable. Controlling the ex-spouse through access to a child should never be tolerated.

Whatever arrangement is finally agreed upon, the child’s security and well being depends upon both parties executing it in a reliable and consistent manner.